{"id":485,"date":"2024-12-01T12:06:18","date_gmt":"2024-12-01T12:06:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/powderblue-eland-339314.hostingersite.com\/?p=485"},"modified":"2024-12-01T12:06:19","modified_gmt":"2024-12-01T12:06:19","slug":"a-sales-assistant-told-my-wife-she-wasnt-pretty-enough-to-work-in-their-store-i-returned-a-few-days-later-for-the-perfect-revenge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/?p=485","title":{"rendered":"A Sales Assistant Told My Wife She Wasn’t ‘Pretty Enough’ to Work in Their Store \u2014 I Returned a Few Days Later for the Perfect Revenge"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

My identical twin called me last week from Los Angeles. \u201cTrigger warning,\u201d she announced. \u201cWe watched that movie last night, Promising Young Woman <\/em>. The character Al Monroe is <\/em>Declan \u2015 just, entirely, Kare. Don\u2019t not watch it, but like, well, just … watch out if you do watch it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Declan is the man that raped me, 14 years ago, and\u00a0Promising Young Woman\u00a0<\/em>, starring Carey Mulligan and produced by Margot Robbie, has been generating awards buzz for its portrayal of a sexy, provocative rape revenge story. The writer\/director, Emerald Fennell, created Cassie, the protagonist, who lost her best friend Nina to suicide after Nina was raped in medical school. The authorities didn\u2019t believe Nina\u2019s story after students and the university refused to substantiate her account.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cassie spends the film attempting to avenge Nina by taking destructive and often-violent revenge on everyone involved in Nina\u2019s trauma, culminating in her abduction of Al Monroe, the rapist himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was intrigued, but I waited a few days before I watched the trailer. Then, after warning my husband I might be in for a rough night, I sat down and pressed play.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trigger warning, indeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many aspects of the story rang true to memories that once sent me into full-blown panic attacks and resulted in me curled into a ball on the floor. And yet, while I ended up watching the film with interest, some amusement, and yes, a heaviness in my heart and a feeling of all-too-tragic familiarity, there were major differences that left me feeling remarkably calm as the film rolled to its shocking end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did, and do, have a revenge story \u2014 you could say that revenge against my rapist is a central part of my life \u2015 but not in the way you\u2019d think. While there are similarities throughout Promising Young Woman <\/em>to not just my story but to the dozens of rape survivor stories I\u2019ve heard throughout my adult life \u2014 the loss of sense of self, the desire for revenge, loss of esteem, doubt, the journey to rebuilding life, reliance on friendships \u2014 ultimately, Cassie\u2019s story was not my story at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My revenge story is a different tale entirely \u2015 and it\u2019s not over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like Nina, I was one of the 26.4% <\/a>of female students who experience rape or sexual assault annually on campus (and that figure doesn\u2019t include high schoolers). Declan was an acquaintance, not dissimilar to Al Monroe in the film. He was a true Ivy League prince \u2015 sports star, elite frat boy, and playboy, the ultimate WASPy daddy\u2019s boy in khakis and a polo shirt. We didn\u2019t know each other well, but he was in a class I was taking. I was 21 and my assault took place early in my senior year. Unlike Nina, I did not have a reputation for sleeping around, but rather the opposite. Despite socializing with the popular crowd, I was known for my Midwestern innocence, and I now know that my assumed virginity was latently recognized by most around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Until that night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As with Promising Young Woman <\/em>, the exact details of my rape are not essential to understand its aftermath. I left Declan\u2019s house feeling as if my entire self was shattered. In my case, the rape was also when I lost my virginity. Just like in the film, Declan\u2019s friends \u2015 and even many of our mutual acquaintances \u2015 were quick to want to protect him and to dismiss me. Even I, while roiling in a cyclone of shame, felt a deep need to avoid derailing this \u201cperfect\u201d young man\u2019s life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the immediate days and weeks after the rape, I was determined not to allow the experience to \u201cruin\u201d my last year of college. My attempt to suppress my emotions led to more dangerous behavior, ranging from excessive drinking to suicidal thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like Nina, I left school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unlike Nina, however, after a semester at home, I came back. I graduated with honors after taking seven classes during my spring term.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Graduation wasn\u2019t the end of my recovery. I had given up on my job offer after the rape because the city it was in was too close to Declan\u2019s hometown. I enrolled in medical school but quickly dropped out. I took a job in advertising and quit weeks later. I moved across the country to a new city and took a corporate job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Soon, like Nina, I was suicidal. Eventually, I found myself sitting on a bridge, so sure that I needed to end my pain but unable to accept that type of end. I felt quite different from that innocent Midwestern girl I had once been.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I finally went back to my university and filed a criminal report, which I submitted along with my medical and university records. The district attorney met with me to discuss my options. She empathetically told me that she had only won 3 in 10 cases she brought forward and, especially with Declan\u2019s family\u2019s wealth, the chance of an indictment was minuscule. She would not pursue the case.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few months later, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. Declan needed to know what he had done to me \u2015 and he needed to pay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, I messaged him on LinkedIn. I didn\u2019t expect a reply \u2015 but I got one. He responded quickly, telling me to call anytime, and I stared at his number pulsing in front of me, the font growing bolder and larger on the screen with each of my pounding heartbeats. I dialed immediately before I gave myself the chance to chicken out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When he answered, I took my vengeance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did not cry. My hands were steady, my words genuine. I spoke slowly and calmly. My voice did not shake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I told him the specific details of my story. I told him everything I\u2019d been through \u2015 everything he\u2019d put me through \u2015 since he made a choice to violate my dignity. I told him how it felt to fear for my life and how it felt to doubt every piece of myself. I told him about the cold I remember seeping through the hallways in the hospital and how they took away my tooth floss and my lotion to protect me from hurting myself. I told him that he had shattered a sense of self I had spent 20 years building. I told him that I was OK \u2015 that I am strong and I will be happy. And I told him that my happiness \u2015 my recovery \u2015 had absolutely nothing to do with him because his choices were only about destruction. He couldn\u2019t claim any of that \u2014 it is mine. I told him, in short, that I had won.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t cry. But Declan did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During our own private reckoning, he begged for my forgiveness and I gave it to him. And with that, I wrote him out of my story. He doesn\u2019t deserve another line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since that day, aside from the recent \u201ctrigger warning\u201d my sister gave me and my subsequent viewing of Promising Young Woman <\/em>, I\u2019ve rarely had to bother with thoughts of the man that raped me 14 years ago. I certainly no longer wake up screaming after seeing his face in my nightmares, nor do I jump at the mere sight of someone with his build passing me on the street. He is now nothing but an unsympathetic specter amongst any number of bygone ghosts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While I don\u2019t think of Declan now, I can\u2019t say I\u2019m not still affected in a real way by what happened. The more tangible villain in my life today \u2015 and also an important theme in Promising Young Woman <\/em>\u2015 is the impact that the rape and its toll had on my career. I\u2019ve floundered in a stalled job for years now, often requiring time off to manage my mental health. I pay top fees for the best insurance, despite being a healthy woman in my 30s, just in case I need to be hospitalized again. The anxiety has led to bruxism, and I grind my teeth so badly that I have paid thousands in dental fees. I don\u2019t even want to think about the multiple cars I could have purchased instead of paying therapy bills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My family is financially affected by one night nearly 20 years ago, and too often, this tragic consequence of rape trauma is overlooked in the analysis and portrayal of effects on survivors and their families.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the film, Cassie chooses to avenge Nina\u2019s pain, her loss, her violation, through violating, hurting and taking from those who hurt her best friend. Cassie does this by targeting not only those directly involved in Nina\u2019s rape but also targets men in clubs who are willing to take advantage of a seemingly incapacitated drunk girl. Cassie always gives these men the chance for redemption, but when they fail her tests, she chooses to inflict more pain and more hurt to magnify these feelings and to give these men firsthand knowledge of her interpretation of Nina\u2019s agony, which, in the end, is actually Cassie\u2019s pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can be argued that Cassie does finally avenge Nina\u2019s death at the end of Promising Young Woman <\/em>, but there\u2019s a twist and a big catch that I won\u2019t spoil here. Ultimately, the film leaves viewers to consider exactly who \u2015 if anyone \u2015 \u201cwins,\u201d and much like in real life, there are no easy answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for me, I continue to exact vengeance, but in a simpler and far less provocative way: Every morning, I wake up and I live my life <\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve made mistakes, had major wins, fallen down and stood back up. I\u2019ve smiled and cried and danced and loved. I have lived. <\/em>I moved overseas, got a master\u2019s degree and met a man who loves me and my body and my right to choose what I do with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have two sons. They are white and privileged and they\u2019ll be Midwestern like me, but they won\u2019t be innocent \u2015 they will be informed <\/em>. And they will be my warriors of vengeance because I am teaching them to hold the utmost respect for their own bodies and to honor that unique sovereignty in others. Right now, this means teaching my toddler that he can\u2019t hit and that he has a choice about how he uses his body. Someday, it will mean sharing my story with them and teaching them to ask for and get consent and encourage healthy boundaries with those around them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My revenge story was different from the one in Promising Young Woman <\/em>. It is different. And it isn\u2019t over. I didn\u2019t just survive (which, mind you, is more than enough in and of itself). For nearly 10 years, I have volunteered on evenings and weekends as a sexual assault advocate. The work has changed my life and my perspective and continues to teach me more about the extreme depths to which humanity can sink and the heights to which it can soar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each week I attend to survivors in the aftermath of their assaults, helping to empower them with the resources and knowledge to make their own decisions during the difficult hours and days following their life-changing experiences. In every case, I see a part of myself \u2014 and in every case, I continue to take back another small piece of what was taken from me all of those years ago. I hope I help them to start their own revenge stories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The appearance of female-led voices in films and TV shows like Promising Young Woman <\/em>and I May Destroy You <\/em>, as well as the much-needed exploration of rape trauma syndrome in 13 Reasons Why <\/em>, has dramatically increased the amount of content available that recognizes rape and rapists in a new, more genuine and truthful light.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My identical twin called me last week from Los Angeles. \u201cTrigger warning,\u201d she announced. \u201cWe watched that movie last night, Promising Young Woman . The character Al Monroe is Declan \u2015… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":173,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-485","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/485","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=485"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/485\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":486,"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/485\/revisions\/486"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/173"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=485"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=485"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intersting7hr.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=485"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}